My Left Boob
by catslovesushi
Summary: CRACK-FIC - A love story about Bellah and Edwerd. This was my submission to JaspersDestiny's The Worst Story Ever Contest 2012.   Please see my profile regarding where my pulled stories are.


_**This is what happens when I decide to write a OS after being in a food coma for days. Thanks DarkNNerdy for being my unbeta or victim or whatever you'd want to call it for this story. I hope I didn't traumatize you TOO much, wify. **_

_**I am not SM - this is just all me. **_

_**Warning - you might want to throw on some Depends. **_

Edwerd PVo

I stares out in the medow and breath. I jus run away from school becuz the new gurl smelled so good. I got scared that I was going to create a bludbathe forks high sCHool.

"oh woe iz me!" i crys out. "she's so pretty but she's a delicut flour"!

I think i luVs her! I wants to run my fingerrs thru her hair and nobble on her skin. I herd her name is Bellah.

I SIGHs and running bak to the mansion.

"E-zmy!" I yell. I need to get owl of hear. I''l be back byt I kneed to go away to get controll".

OK deer," she said and hugs me. She smells like cinnamon and candy even tho candy usually smells yucky because I'am a vampire.

I vroom to my car. I am awesome fur having a Volvo. Rose calls it my volva byt shes jus jealous. my car goes fast"

I hed out of town and goe to Canandaaaa wear i can nom some pole bears. it helps me to thinking.

My sooper duper trooper car takesme there no thyme. I sped like the wind chili.

Bellah pOV

that dude wit the fynny hair looked werid. Like I smell byt I shwered and sniffle at mysef. yes, I am clean. maybe he don't like dat I smell like TeEn Sprirt? he runs off and I sit alone in class.

my BFF Jessica telling me at lunch who the cCuyllens are. there is Emut the big bear guy and Rose who looks like a playboy bunny (not that i read those, I jyst found Charlies stache DUH). Then theres the dancing girl wit perky hair Alice. She's so tiny I think I can put her in my bookbag (PSA - I dont ever condom kidnapping -tthats illegul and my dad is the chef of police! WTF?). A cowboy dude calling reminds me of Joe Dirt (I love that movie -don't you?) but not. He has no mullet & he don't kiss his arms but he still reminds me of hymn.

"their beautify Je$$ica!" I udder while eating my food. I have to eat because I am starving.

"they R 2gether" she tells me and I nodded. "but are not they related? thats weirdo "

"NO she shouty capped me! there adopted but they are couplez exceptionally Edwerd."

"Edwerd" i ass?

YESH! she spittled! (yes she did and I hands her a bib too).

Ware is he?"

He was in class he runs off remember? DUH!" SHE rolled eye's at me.

"Oh. But I thunk I luv him. He completes me."

Angela looks at me like "huh" and says "you don't kno him, how can U?"

I look at her and said "I know. right here" and I grab my left boob to show her where.

4 daze he don't show up and im so sad. his brothes ands sisterss are their and I walk 2 them and asks wear he is. They tells me he sicko in bed.

I says to them "I wants his babys. i loves him"

Ballerina Alice says "we good be friends bellah but don't git close to Jaspur, he has cootys. I said ok and winks at him. YOU have a foot gas petal? I asked and he looks at me weirdly. I smile and roared like a bear to emut. It made Bunny Rose angry and she RAWR'd back. not GRR like but RAWr like.

(does running man to speed up thyme)

He's back! Edwerd so I run to him and tell him "I wants yore babys!"

he goes "Hi I'm Edwerd. I cant have babys, I'm a virgo."

I go, "oh ME TOO!" I says loud and everybod looks at me.

Dont stare its rude "I YELL" and says "I know I love him here. " I grabb my boob again and show Edwerd who looks and stares but don't say shit. Later he's like "you toched your boob he mutters and I nod.

"Kin I touch too?" he goes.

I nods and go, "yes because I love you already. my body is yore tempal." I bringed up his hand to me. "touch me, write now."

"Bellah. He WINES. "we R in clas$! Peeps are watching. wait, I can warship you in my volva." "Meat me at the parking lOts at lunch."

"OK" I go.

KIdz, pay attenshun! the teacher says and we look ups.

he rolls his I's at us and goes on about plant sells. I try to listen but thinking of l8r and the warshipping. I cannot wait to give up my virgo card. I love him sew mutch!.

class over and I grab an appal to eat because my stomach GRRs at me. Den i go tothe parking lot to find Edwerd and his volva. I seize him standing they're (he's tall so I can see him right away DUH) and I goes to him.

He pulls me to the backseat and I sit on his lap. He sniffles my hair. "You smell good."

"Oh? it is my fave shampoo! I like it because it smellz like strawberrys and creem strawberrys are my favoritest food what is yours edwerd." I still wanted him to give me babys. I thoght of names alredy. What are yore parents names?" I goe and look into his gold eyes all hawt like.

"my mom is esmay and my dad is carlyle. he goes and I said mine is renay and charlie. If we has babys I can combine names and be all cool like. Girl could be Eslie or renlyle. Boy cold B carnay or charmay. thats cool right?

He tells me to shoosh but I was abot two says no and he kisses me.

I love hymn so mutch! I taken his hand and puts it on my boob. "I feel it here that we are mint to bee 2gether. I cry I love you so much Edwerd."

He goes GRRR like and touches me. "I cannot have baybes. I am a vampire."

But you cant be Edwerd. you have no cape and ware are yore pointy teeth? are you supposed to say "Eye vant your blood and go RAWR on me?" I have tears now because I love him so much even if he is a scary vampire man.

My familia drinks animals but we are still dangerous. And sparkly.

Whut? sparkles? "like yore bedazzled? I have one athome I can bedazzle your car seats if you want, i'am very good at it want to sea?"

You dew? he goes "I want to see. Lets go and he goes all speedy like in his car.

We get their fast like and he follows me to my room I show him my DazzleR and he tries it but gets it on my pillowcase NO youcannot do that!" I cry out. I wanted to sleep but that bedazzle stuff will hurt my delicate face.

Oh love i will never let that happun. I love you 2 much

"lats go meat your family and tell them we love each udder" suggest I.

OK I like that""his pretty hair says. "lats go in my car again.

We get to the house but not really like a house but more like a giant one or a castle or something but not a hut. it is beautify Edwerd!

I touch his hand and we goe up the stairs and he goes all "ESMAY and CARLYLE" in shouty cap like.

they flash like grease lighenening over to me and I was like wow your fast!

Me introduces myself - I'am Bellah and I love Edwerd. I also love U so much! I love everybody Emut, Bunny Rose, Ballet Alice and Joe Dirt i mean Jaspur we can be a big family and have babys." I cry becasuse i am so damn happy. I tiches my boob. i felt it hear and I show them they wear all 'oh" like and I say I'm a virgo and want to b with Edwerd. Even though hes a RAWR scare vampire man but he tellinged me you eat animalz and shit.

Language Bellah Esmay said her smelling like cookies. I like cookies especially ones with chockolut do you ahve any cookies I go?

She looked at me and going yes I baking sum for U BCuz yor lovig my sun!"

I dance around because I am getting cookies i love cookies so mutch!hard to do. Edwerd kissyed me on my face and I was all making noises

Give me babys edwerd! I love you!" I said and pulling off my shirt showing my hard nipplez my boobs liking his gaze and me moans loud thanking charly that he works night now

Love, yore so pretty he says to my nipples. I hear your veejayjay crying fore me. "what should i dew?" he was so beauty

I get all naked like and grins. "you get naked like me. I am a virgo DUH but I know sex because i watch HBO on tv you get on me like and move"

Love but we are not marryiage. I cry boohooing.

But we love each other edwerd and I am naked for you to warship. make me a tempal for you.

He gets all smirky like and gets naked my eyes get all O_O like and I cum right there. I love him and watching as his eyes get all GRR and black.

I cum again and go all Edwerd take me like... you love me""

He touches my boobs again and RAWRs but I kno he wont drink from me he is passion and I like passion fruit maybe he taste like them (they are real you know - look at wikipedia).

We have sex and it was good. it hurted when he hit my virgo sheeld but I cry for a while and then stop and go all ooh ooh like. I was like slutty Bellah like in pornos and stuff but without the funny music or the pizza man or the shaved bits i don't like that and have ajungle down there because it keeps me warm . you know, write!

He gets all ooh ooh like and I'm not a virgo now. I'm a reel man here me roars and all before his man hose exploded all in me. baby batter stuff was all over but I cry because I don't sparkle like hymn. my hole bed is wet from baby vamp battter and I am all gooshy like.

"does this meen you marries me now because I love you forever edwerd. You are my prints."

I get up and go potty because that iswhat dr Phil said to do (not my step dad phil but the man on TV he is a doctor not like my step dad) and go to the shower because his man juices need to be washed or peephole will call me a shallot and I am not i was a virgo dammit.

after me done, i got back to bed and my bed is no longer wet oh edwerd you drys it 4 me i love you so much but i want more sex because my veejajajay or my womanhood because i am a woman now duh read before i'am not a virgo no mroe. my womanhood kitty wants you it says to me please edwerd you are my love and i love you so much

ok love he smirks. i want to fuck you

edwerd! language i scream but i like but i don't tell hymn because i want it to be a sekret you know ? "I go all ooh rawr like because it is good and i feel like is am a jungle woman all tarzaNa like.

he goes all grr rawr like because he is alike a lion all grr ruff but he isn't furry because that wood be weird and i am not like that.

he makes me cum hard this time and it is my turn to get the bedwet with my womanly juices. even his hair is wet becuase i got it all over. he takes me in the shower and says all you are bruises . im an monster so badly & he got all sad.

no edwerd you no monster, that is a drinks silly. DUH. you are good and i love you so much. i want to have marriage with you and big one too. I want horses and singing birds and stuff, and a big whit dress with a mile trane. i can wear wihite because i was a virgo b4 2nite and he nods

yes i can be like a printsess

but love? "he goes "i am not going to give you baybes, i was a virgo becaise my brothers told me human coochies have teeth an d i didn't want mr sparkle to be bite off.

i go all 'no i have no teef down there. look! i show him becaiuse i am bendy and and he said i kick emuts ass and pull jaspur'S hair. they lies to me!

Oh edwerd! I WILL want to be Bellah cullen because i love you.

oh love I love you too

zzzzzzzz (that meens eye am sleeping)

I wake up and edwerd makes all this breakfast for me in bed pl8s are all over the place and i eat it all (but not the plates because that wold be all weirdo like) and iam not a wirdo.

I feel lika howse and go all I have to have a tent to ware. i was hungry because i am nto a virgo and i having sex with edwers hoo is a vampire.

he says you are pretty and i want to marry you but you are bigger than a house write now and i cries hard that my tears flood the house and he g0es away and I cry even more.

he left me! I am just a giant human with boobs" I cry cry cry so hard and charlie says you need school and I go later i am sad

_**Edwerd poV**_

oh my love! I cry. "i took her virgo card and she got all wet like adn then she eated all the food it smelled funny bit i misses her. I leave the madow and go back hoping she has shriunk oh edwerd, get her a moomoo - alice says to me and i nods, i don't know where

rose says here and flash! she makes one

oh i love my sisters they are womderfull and i go back to her house but she dont answr the door. oh i climb all spidy like and go O_O when I see her crying

love "I hug her " I give you something"

"no edwers, I not deserves a gift I am not a virgo amymore. "

I gives her the moomoo anyways because i don't listen and don need to beecauz i am a vampire.

oh edwerd i like it and she puts it on and we go to my volva

wait! whares my truck she goes?

oh! wait i come back in 8 seconds like a rodeo with her truck on my finger. not fingering her truck iam not a weirdo but i'm strong.

we take her truck to the mansion and the family comes out to see bellaH

she hugs everybody but jaspur because she goes you have cootys and he nods and puts on his cowboy boots

"I'm not a virgo!" my love announcing to the family!

they go all O_O like at first and then happy dances with her.

"and my coochie doesn't have teeth she goes and says you wanna see? " I tell her to stop pulling her moomo and she gets weepy again.

**Bellah poV**

I am preggars i now it. I eated the food and new. that is Y i cry like that. it is a miracle not the mayo either. i squat down after dancing and pops out babys!

Oh they are beautifyl i cry so hard and all the cullens hug me except for joe Dirt who starts singing about horses and cowboys.

I cry when I see the babys. A boy I name Carnay and girl Eslie and they get all happy like over the names because I named them that.

wait! I have basterd babys because we doesn't marry! :( I am so sad, see the face?

LOve!" he yells "I love you and the babys 2. MARRY me now!"

but my dress?" I cry more and Playboy Rose goes all call me rose because we R family and Alice the ballet girl run into the house and back with a gorge white dress. "my dress!" I laugh and hapy again. babys are now walking arounds all 'who are you like' and we get married.

(all of us do the running man because it is a big time jump if one person does it is a small one but more means bigger)

we are back in highschool. FOrks high. it is like the year 3541 and we arriveby spaceship. Edwerd and i are happy married and our babys turn out to be hybrids (not the cars but haf human and haf vampire - duh). i turned to a vampire when my babys tried to eated my boobs but not in a slurpee way. they were trying to go all rawr (not a shouty caps RAWR because they's hybrid and babys) on me. I bleed like a damn river and edwerd had to changing me.

now we are all a happy family and I eated animals too. I love everybody so much and sometimes I even show my family how much by grabbing my boob right hare (I'am grabbing it now to show you). They sometimes grab it too and it makes me feel so loved. I don shows off my cooch anymore and i cannot say cooch or coochie because edwerD says it is not ladylike. So i say my woman parts because that sounds better. he did not like that I was showing my woman parts to Carlyle or emut or Jaspur or the mailman but i was so happy i wanted everybody to see. Emut thinnks I should show it to his Rose and Alice but I think he just wants some porno thing but without the music and simce im' a vampire we don't eat pizza.

Forks looks the same sort of Xcept for the space ships and the jet packs and shit. oops, i cannot cuss because it is un-B-cuming. I fly to class not because of my jet pack but because I have wings not the red bull ones or the ones for feminite produks but wings like a bird. Alice said it is becuse my last name was swan so I belive her. I fly like a bird all the time but right now it is just to math classe.

I Finnish class and go to the next and the next and the next and the next B4 it is thime to go back home. I love everybody and eery thing so much. I get all boo hoo like but I don't cry no more. vampires don't cry because it is a macho thing or something. I flash out of my cloths and go hunting and then edwerd and i have sex after. we are happy and Iove him so much.

my name is bellah swan cullen and that is the story of I.


End file.
